Why I Hate Laptops

WARNING: THIS IS A RANT. I WILL NOT HOLD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY BUTTHURTS. ENJOY.

If you know me long enough, you should know that I don't like laptops. Studies show that I curse 476% more when I use laptops*. It's just a major pain to use.
*The study does not exist, but you can make one if you wish.

Here are the reasons why:

1. Freakin' expensive
Everyone knows that laptops are expensive, and even more expensive to get decent one. This also means that getting them repaired will cost the blood of a newborn.

2. Too damn slow
As a power user, I have a relatively low tolerance with inefficiency and slowness. It's really annoying when the laptop cannot catch up with my APM of 3000**. And decent laptops that can handle that are way too expensive.
**Possible with Razer Talon.

3. No spare parts I can buy.
Trust me, with electronics, something is gonna go bad, especially when it is complex and portable. With a laptop, the problem will be amplified further, since you can't do it yourself. Maybe you can do the hard disk and RAM, but other parts are simply not available in your local store. Even then you'll have to deal with warranties, which can get confusing (such as batteries have a different warranty period than the laptop itself).

4. Bad ergonomics.
Laptops have keyboards so small that it hurts the wrists under prolonged usage. Perhaps using a USB keyboard would be better (and protects the laptop keyboard from heavy abuse), but who wants to lug a seperate keyboard along? Not to mention that laptops might burn your lap (or penis).

5. The touchpad.
Sure, grabbing a wireless mouse for the laptop is a no brainer, but at times a mouse is just not available. Many times I can barely feel my fingertips due to the touchpad. It also interrupts typing a lot in case you forgot to disable them.

6. Drivers.
While this isn't limited to laptops, some manufacturers gives a confusing list of drivers to download, as there were variations with the specification of a particular model. Many times I find multiple graphics drivers and wireless drivers of different chipsets, only to find out that only one of them works. Such a waste of bandwidth and time. Why can't they give a different model name for different specifications instead?

7. OEM junk.
Manufacturers give lots of unneeded software which nobody used them, but included by default in their laptops. This wastes resources and time to uninstall all these unwanted stuff.

8. No room for extra storage.
Face it. It's now the era of HD content, and files reaching GBs are not rare these days. Now most laptops offer at most 500GB*** of storage space, and it will eventually become full of junk. Now here's another problem: there is no place for a secondary hard disk. You'll be forced to use an external hard disk or burn them to disks, just to satisfy your insatiable hunger for data. Unfortunately, external hard disks are very prone to problems (Trust me, they can fail at any time, regardless of what brand it is, so have a backup handy at all times), and optical disks (CDs, DVDs, BDs) isn't the most practical way either.
***There are 1TB 2.5" hard disks on sale today, but these are sold separately. I am yet to find a laptop with a 1TB hard disk preinstalled.

Conclusion
Now I might have added more reasons than just eight, but I think that would be enough to argue about. And it will make the whole post a bore (tl;dr). So yeah, don't take this too seriously. Use whatever works for you. That's the important part. Cheers.